I,we: my name is Sumairu Kanashii
by escalator
Summary: With the deathbusters defeated earth has a chance at peace. The Outers however are not content. Something is wrong in this timeline... Alternative universe.
1. Prologue: Death

**Disclaimer:** Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

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Prologue: Death

She had been walking for some time, lost in thought, when she sensed that she was being watched. She stopped in her tracks and looked around. No one was in sight.

'That's weird' she thought 'I could have sworn…'

Something started to rumble behind her. The woman spun around and an energy blast hit her in the chest. Pain filled her every fiber and she screamed as her body was ripped to shreds.

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**Author's Notes:** And the Oscar for shortest prologue ever goes to... (sweatdrops) Seriously though, the actual chapters will be long. Or at least longer. Please bear with me. 


	2. Chapter 1: Outburst

**Disclaimer:** Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

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Chapter 1: Outburst

Kanashii groaned inwardly when the bell rung, signaling the end of lessons for the day. She quickly gathered her books and rushed out of class, hoping that she wound make it out of school before _they_ caught up with her. Only eight meters from the exit… seven… six… A hand grabbed her by the collar and slammed her on the wall.

"Where do you think you're going Sumairu?"

'There we go again.' she thought bitterly.

"I asked you something bitch, where do you think you're going?"

The girl didn't answer. She just looked at the people surrounding her, knowing all too well what would happen next. They would yell, beat her, order her to stay out of their way or else etc. She had got used to it. Almost.

'But' a small voice told her 'you don't get in their way. They get in yours because you're so easy to pick on. You're so quiet. You rarely speak, you don't fight back, you just let them get away with everything. Doesn't any of this bother you?'

'I just don't feel like fighting.' she protested. 'What's the point anyway?'

'They would leave you alone that's the point! But will you do it? Oh no. Because you never face your problems. All you ever do is run away.'

'Shut up.' She could no longer see or hear her bullies. All she could hear was that voice.

'Look around you. Everyone can see what's going on but no one will help you. No one ever comes close to you because you're _their_ favorite victim and no one wants to risk becoming a target too. No one is your friend. No one cares about you. Not even yourself. You are pathetic.'

'Shut up!' all she could see was red.

'We're getting mad now? So what will you do about it LITTLE girl? Go on, run away like you always do. Find another lame excuse to explain your bruises at home. That's all you're good at anyway…'

"SHUT UP!"

Kanashii clenched her fists and swung forward, taking the bullies completely by surprise.

"What the fuck!"

She felt the grip on her collar loosening as the girl holding her stumbled backwards and she kicked her at the knee, sending her crashing to the ground.

"Who's the weak one now?" she snarled. Not waiting for an answer she lunged at the others.

OOO

"…an outrage! Beating up four of your fellow students like that! You have always been a model student in terms of behavior and suddenly this? What were you thinking? Such actions are not tolerated in our school!

…

Miss Sumairu, are you listening to me?"

The girl nodded wordlessly.

'Yada, yada, just stop it already! You're giving me a headache!'

"You will be expelled for three days. I would advise you to control your temper from now on. Otherwise you might find yourself expelled again. Permanently. Your parents have already been notified of this incident. That would be all miss Sumairu."

As she was leaving the principal's office Kanashii couldn't help but smile. Having beaten up those girls simply felt good.

'I still can't believe I pulled it off.' She thought. 'Funny, I've never been in a fist-fight before but somehow I just knew what to do, how to do it and when to do it. It felt as if somehow I knew that they didn't stand a chance… Must have been all the bottled up anger. Or something. Hope my parents won't throw a fit.'

They didn't. Actually that was one of the things Kanashii really liked about her parents. They rarely got angry and always kept an open mind. Even when they would punish her.

"Why didn't you ever tell us that you were being bullied Kanashii-chan?" asked her mother after they had heard her version of the story. "All those years that you would come home cut and bruised and say that you got hurt at physical education… We would have understood!"

"I know okaa-san." She replied "I didn't want to burden you with this. I wanted to deal with this on my own."

"Oh you dealt with it all right" laughed her father "and from what your principal said you were pretty heavy-handed about it too."

"Kenshi!" scolded her mother. "This isn't laughing stock!"

She turned to her daughter, trying in vain to maintain a serious expression.

"What do you have to say for yourself young lady?"

"Gomen okaa-san, otoo-san. I will not get into fights in the future and I will not hide such things from you again. But those girls got what they deserved."

Sumairu Juki smiled at her daughter.

"Hai, they did. But that won't save you from getting grounded! Go to your room and think about what you have done."

Kanashii smiled back and obediently went to her room.

'Trust my mother to agree with you that someone deserved getting beaten then punish you for misbehaving.' She thought, absent-mindedly combing her auburn hair with her fingers. She glanced at the mirror.

'Way past the shoulders. So not my style. Why did I let them grow so much anyway? Short is more practical.'

Grasping a pair of scissors she started cutting.

'There. That's more like it.' She paused to examine her handiwork, a slight frown forming on her face. 'Where did the 'not my style' part come from? And why the hell did I just chop my hair off? I've always worn it long, I like it that way. Or used to like it? Arg! Today must have taken its toll on me. I can't think straight… At least the new hairdo looks good. Guess I've got a hand for it… Makes the stupid glasses look better too. Does it also match today's attitude swing or am I just hallucinating?'

Her mother's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Dinner's ready!"

A small gasp greeted her as she entered the kitchen.

"Kanashii-chan! What did you do to your hair?"

"I cut it."

"We can see that dear." Her mother eyed her suspiciously. "Did you hit your head during the fight or something?"

"Okaa-san…"

"We thought you liked it long." Said her father.

"I did like it long. I just figured that after today's incident I needed a change in looks."

"Riight." The answer didn't seem to fully satisfy them but they didn't press her. "Any other surprises you have in store for us dear?" asked her mother.

"Actually yes, I have one more." The girl took a deep breath. "Okaa-san, otoo-san… I want to change school."

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**Author's Notes:** " " for dialogue, ' ' for thoughts and OOO to seperate parts of the story when needed. Second fic up and running, anxiety hitting red… So please review and put me out of my misery. As always flames, comments, suggestions, anything you might wish to say is welcome at sorceress2192yahoo.gr. 


	3. Chapter 2: Just a headache

**Disclaimer:** Sailormoon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

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Chapter 2: Just a headache

It hadn't really been a surprise. Were she not to ask for it her parents would have suggested it anyway. So there she was, standing in front of her classmates-to-be. Everyone was staring as usual. She started to blush. Being the center of attention always made her feel uncomfortable. Still, she wasn't feeling half as flustered as the person standing at the back of the room. Kanashii had walked into class just in time to see a blonde being scolded and from the looks of it, it was a usual occurrence. She couldn't help but notice the girl's hairstyle.

'Odangos? That's weird even by my standards!'

The teacher's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. It was time for the obligatory first-time-in-class self-introduction. And she had a terrible headache.

"My name is Sumairu Kanashii."

She could hear the others whispering.

'Probably about the clothes…'

"No, I wasn't given a funny uniform. I'm a girl and I hate skirts." She eyed them challengingly.

"Yes, yes, now take a seat next to Tsukino-san over there and let us hope her laziness isn't contagious…"

The aforementioned standing girl blushed ten shades of red as the class roared with laughter. Kanashii merely gritted her teeth and went to the appointed seat. She definitely didn't like the teacher.

OOO

Thankfully lessons ended in a relatively painless manner. Not that she had been paying much attention. She had spent most time absentmindedly sketching in her notebook. Now, if it hadn't been for that blasted headache…

'How long can it possibly take for a stupid headache to wear off?' she thought to herself as she was walking through the school yard. 'It's been nagging me for hours! And all those kids staring… It's irritating. Haven't they seen a girl in pants before? Arg, my head is killing me. What I need now is some peace and q-oof!'

Something crashed into her back and she found herself on the ground, a dead weight on top of her.

"Gomen…" said a muffled voice.

Kanashii growled.

"Get OFF!"

The stranger hastened to comply. She stood and found herself looking down at a peculiar hairstyle and a pair of big blue eyes. It was the blonde from that morning. She frowned in concentration. What was her name again? Tsuki-something… Meanwhile the girl was busy bowing and excusing herself.

"Gomen, I wasn't paying attention and I… tripped."

She tried to interrupt her in vain.

"Gomen…"

'How many times is she going to say it? I already have a headache!'

"Gomen…"

It was starting to get on her nerves.

"Gomen…"

Kanashii closed her eyes.

"If you don't shut up I'm going to hurt you. Badly."

The girl abruptly stopped in the middle of another 'Gomen' and shot her a fearful glance. She suddenly felt guilty.

"I forgive you by the way." She continued in a softer tone.

"Huh?"

"I said I forgive you for tripping over me."

She smiled at the confused blonde, hoping she was being sweet enough.

"Gomen, I get grumpy when I have a headache…"

The girl continued to stare at her in confusion for a moment, then she smiled back.

"I'm Tsukino Usagi." She said.

"Sumairu Kanashii, pleased to meet you."

OOO

"…and then I crashed into her as I was running home…" said Usagi.

"Figures. You can't avoid a klutz attack to save your life." commented Rei.

The others ignored her.

"What is she like Usagi-chan?"

"Strange! At first she growled at me and I was certain she was going to kill me or something, I actually got scared… but then she seemed to be in pain for a moment and she suddenly became friendly. She even apologized for scaring me. Said that headaches make her nasty. And then we talked. Sort of… I don't think she really likes talking. I had to pry most answers out of her. She wouldn't say a word about her old school though."

"Maybe she didn't like it there." Offered Minako. "Except from the boys' uniform I don't see what's so weird about her. She was just bad-tempered."

Ami closed her book. They had gathered at the Hikawa Shrine for their regular study session but Usagi was too excited to let anyone concentrate.

"I don't understand something. You spent an extra hour at school because of detention. Why didn't she go home?" she asked.

"The English teacher didn't approve of her clothes and wanted to lecture her. Turns out she has the principal's permission!"

Makoto whistled.

"Okay, that is weird…" admitted the blonde.

"How on earth did she get permission for that?" demanded the miko.

"I don't know! I asked her but she only said she had um... 'presented irrefutable arguments'. That's how she said it. Then I asked her what 'irrefutable' means and she burst out laughing. What was so funny?"

"Usagi-chan…" sighed Ami.

"What?"

OOO

That night Kanashii sat in front of her computer and opened the word processor.

'Dear Kumi-chan,

'Odango blonde' run into me on my way out of school. My initial reactions were hostile and I scared her. I felt so badly… Of all people I should be the last to ever intimidate someone. I wanted to make amends for it and somehow found myself walking her home. We talked a bit on the way. She asked a lot of questions. Too many questions in fact. Spanish Inquisition anyone?

I tried to be patient and answered all I could but some things I refused to discuss.

I didn't tell her why I changed school. I had just threatened to hurt her if she wouldn't stop the 'Gomen' overload, imagine me saying: "Oh, I was bullied back there until one day I snapped and beat the crap out of the bullies. They ended up in hospital and I got expelled for three days instead of permanently due to previous exemplary behavior but I had had enough of that place so I came here." That would have been soooo tactful!

And I wasn't going to tell her why I wear the boys' uniform. It's private, end of story. What part of my introductory 'I hate skirts' didn't she get? People are usually content with the skirt-hating excuse. I've never told anyone that I have more reasons than that… (And even if I wanted to tell her, we've only just met. Who's to say we'll get along? It's not like she'll want to be my friend or something! Noone ever wants to and it's better this way.

I guess I'd rather be alone with nothing broken nothing thrown… That's what I tell myself anyway.) 

I've been wearing boys' clothes ever since the accident. I would have worn them before too if I could have gotten away with it. I'm a tomboy after all. It's nice to be able to wear what I like, but now I can't put on anything short or even barely revealing unless I want the scars to show. When they show people stare. And I have no patience for people staring at my scars. I have no patience for empty condolences and cruel taunts.

I don't mind the disfigured body. I can even smile about it. It's kind of fitting. A disfigured body to house a twisted spirit. That's what I was considered at the orphanage. Twisted. How fortunate that they wanted to get rid of me. If they hadn't I wouldn't have had a family.

At times I almost pity my parents. They have no idea what kind of person their 'beloved' daughter is. If they did they probably wouldn't have adopted me. I remember the first time I voiced something abnormal in front of them. It was a couple of months after my adoption. I was twelve. I don't recall what I had asked them but they looked at me with such worry… Later that day I overheard them talking about whether it would be a good idea to consult a psychologist. First time I voiced something abnormal in their presence. And last. The next day I pretended to have heard about it on TV. How relieved they were! Now they don't really know anything about me except that I'm shy, my grades are good, I like this or that food and in my spare time I mostly read books or ruin my eyes in front of the computer. It's okay I guess. Everyone has their limitations. At least they try to be open-minded. They try to be good parents. And they love me. What they see of me anyway. How can they love me? When they don't even know me? No, they don't love me. They love the girl I pretend to be for all our shakes. For the family to function. But then again maybe they do know me and they merely choose to let me go on with the facade because it gives me an illusion of safety… Because if they don't know me there's no way for them to decide they can't accept my true self and send me back… Or maybe that's just me secretly wishing that they knew because if they did, I wouldn't be so alone.

Hey, ain't I a great writer? I start writing about a girl and end up pondering on my life of pretense. Talk about digression…

Where was I? Oh yes, the girl. Tsukino Usagi. She made quite an impression. Probably because it's been a long time since someone of my age was actually friendly to me. Even so there's something about her… Those eyes… so clear… so innocent… Why the heck did that Haruna person treat her so badly! _I'd gladly punch her face in_. Hang on, why would I care? And why the heck am I being so aggressive lately?

Guess what, I still have a headache. No, I won't take a painkiller you stupid head! I don't believe in artificial pain suppression! Ladies and gents, I'm officially a wacko: I'm arguing with my skull…'

Someone knocked lightly on her door.

"Kanashii-chan? Your father and I have to go somewhere. We'll be back very late. Don't stay all night in front of the computer okay?"

"Right…"

She kept writing.

'Kaa-san just passed by to pursuit a hopeless ambition of hers: discouraging me from wasting time on the PC. As if she'll ever make it… But then again one can always hope they say.

And now I can't think of what else to write. That I got totally bored at school? It's old news. Maybe I should just get online…'

Kanashii saved the file and leaned back. She rubbed her eyes.

'I don't feel like it.' She thought. 'I don't feel like doing anything. I… just want to… sleep…'

The girl dozed off in her chair. Images flooded her mind. _Someone with their back turned to her pounding a punching bag_…

'_I'll become stronger than all of them_… _Noone will ever beat me_… _Noone_…_'

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**Author's Notes:** So what do you think people? Please review!


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